Year: 2024

Accepting Our Unique Personalities

Rabbi Ben Herman , , , ,

          Often in life the person we are hardest on is ourselves. We think, “If only I could have done better” or “I messed this up again.” Moses is no different from us. He says, “I cannot lead this people, for they are too heavy for me (כי כבד ממני)”[1]-in other words it’s too great a task for me; I can’t lift them up when they get down on themselves, when they selectively remember the delicacies of Egypt without the painstaking labor that they had to go through day in day out under the whip.

          Fortunately for Moses, he has a role model in his father-in-law. What does Yitro say to Moses when he sees him sitting before Israel from day to night? כִּֽי־כָבֵ֤ד מִמְּךָ֙ הַדָּבָ֔ר לֹא־תוּכַ֥ל עֲשֹׂ֖הוּ לְבַדֶּֽךָ-this matter is too heavy for you-you cannot do it alone.[2] The significance is that Yitro recognizes Moses’ limitations. He knows the amount of work Moses put into his job, yet he also knows that Moses not only cannot handle everything alone, but also if he tries, he is likely to get overwhelmed and explode, as we see in Numbers. Moses succeeded when Yitro was by his side-when Yitro left him, in the beginning of Numbers, he became more and more limited by his anger.

          How often in life we fail to recognize our limitations, feeling that on a task we are treading water with no end in sight? How often do we want a lifeline thrown in our direction? We often feel a great weightiness on our shoulders, that all the pressure is on us. It is time to remove those weights from our shoulders, to rid ourselves of the shackles of feeling enslaved and to channel our inner Yitro, recognizing and honoring our limitations. Yes, honoring our limitations. We need to recognize, “This is an area at which I am weak. Is there someone else who can do this task better? Who else can I rely upon?” We cannot let our limitations stop us from finding our place at Mosaic Law Congregation.

         We just finished celebrating a new group of Jews by Choice receiving their first aliyot to the Torah. I know how much anxiety there was behind this-not the Hebrew as much as standing up in front of so many people. Yet rather than giving up and throwing in the towel they persevered. It reminds me of Mickey Zeff every time I see him get an Aliyah or recite Kiddush. He always has a big smile on his face and reads with the same joy that I believe he had the first time he was called up. We each can follow this example.

          Today we observe Michael Boussina Inclusion Shabbat in celebration of Jewish Disabilities Awareness, Acceptance and Inclusion Month. Often those with disabilities or barriers, whether physical or mental, social, or emotional, are defined by what they cannot do. Instead, it is time to define them and celebrate them for all that they can do.

          I began by recognizing Moses’ limitations because I want us to see that like Moses, each of us can remove some of the weight from our shoulders-to focus on areas of passion or strength and be at peace with areas of limitation. It is time to leave behind the inner critic, or the “judge from within” and accept ourselves for who we are-just as we should accept our parents, children, siblings, and members of our congregational family for who they are. What I pray we will do on this Shabbat of inclusion is accept each part of ourselves, even those we wish were different. That will lead us on the path to accepting others, each of whom is made in the image of God.

[1] Numbers 11:14

[2] Exodus 18:18

Recognizing that We Are Grieving After October 7

Rabbi Ben Herman

Since October 7, members of my synagogue, Mosaic Law Congregation, have been coming to me grieving and in mourning. Many have lost family members and close friends. The cousin of one of my congregants and good friend of another are kidnapped in Gaza. My family friends are off in Lebanon and Gaza, and I have no idea if I will see them again. Many have told me they no longer feel comfortable wearing their Jewish stars or kippot (skullcaps). We have had the need for increased security measures. It is a terrifying time for my community.


My immediate response was to call other faith leaders with whom I have built relations through interfaith work and ask them to speak at the Mosaic Law Congregation on a Saturday morning. Seven of them did so. One thing which perplexed me was not receiving replies from those in the Muslim community with whom I had worked so hard to build relationships. We broke bread together, I attended their events and they came to my installation. It took me some time to realize that I was not hearing back from them because this is such a polarizing issue-one for which no amount of dialogue will help us come anywhere close to a mutual understanding.


I thank Mayor Steinberg for not giving the Valenzuela-Vang resolution a hearing and for his strong preference, “not to have any formal resolution come before the City Council.” I agree with his statement, “In most cases, I do not believe our City Council should spend council time on foreign policy.” There is so much work to be done locally, and anything we say about a conflict 7500 miles away will only increase the division between us. We don’t need shouting matches, broken windows or property burnt to the ground.
At the same time, we need to come together in a safe space to share our pain, recognize our suffering and see the shared humanity in each other as citizens of Sacramento. As the language of the Santa Cruz resolution mentions, we must “acknowledge the suffering of the Peoples of the Middle East, affirm our shared humanity and wish for peace, call for collaborative efforts supporting peaceful dialogue among all parties involved; and urge our community to develop and participate in activities that foster tolerance, empathy, education, and understanding of people of all backgrounds and religious faiths.”


I view Mayor Steinberg’s statement “Our interfaith communities are not talking to one another. They are too angry, distrustful, and hurt to reach across the divide” as a challenge to come together-NOT to pass a resolution but to find common ground in other areas. I want to give an open invitation based off his message and the Santa Cruz resolution to all faith leaders find common ground and work together to benefit the greater Sacramento community. Currently we are working on a Latino-Jewish Seder with Bishop Soto and the Catholic Diocese, and we are always looking for more opportunities to join forces. Our approach should never be to shrink into my bubble and silo off. We must view this as an opportunity to build bridges.


As a precursor to doing so, however, we must recognize the hurt, pain, loss and suffering that we are feeling. Any attempt to come together that does not acknowledge that is tone deaf. It is time to understand that each of us is grieving and that many are going through trauma. Only through doing that can we respond to the other in a way which will be productive rather than destructive.