It is such a pleasure to be here for the Shabbat aroosi (“Shabbat wedding”) for David and Danielle. I have done my share of aufrufs during my rabbinic career, but this is the first Shabbat aroosi -celebration of the couple the Shabbat after their wedding. It was an honor to have yours be the first wedding I have officiated at Mosaic Law Congregation, alongside Cantor Noah Rachels and Rabbi Emeritus Reuven Taff.
I will never forget a conversation I had while doing a rabbinic internship at the Jewish Council on Urban Affairs in Chicago. Two days a week I went into South Chicago to intern at the Inner-City Muslim Action Network: a Jew working with Muslims to do criminal justice reform mostly for inner city African American Christians. I am by nature a person who likes excitement and adventure, wanting to change the world, and I was frustrated that some days were very slow at the office. I spoke with my mentor, Kyle Ismail, who said to me, “Ben you care about doing, but just your being present here means a great deal.”
I was flummoxed by Kyle’s statement: being present? Aren’t we supposed to be doing things to make a difference? After all, we do a lot in Judaism, whether it is preparing for Shabbat, coming together for daily minyan, or designing and participating in programming like our 125th Anniversary Gala on May 18th. Yet I think there is an inherent truth in knowing our personal limits and when we must undertake some tzimtzum, changing our focus from constantly doing things to being present with whatever we are encountering. After all, we are human beings, not human doings. Moses is often thought of as impatient, one who wants to lead through action, yet even he is required to wait 40 days and 40 nights for the stone tablets to be written by the finger of G-d at the end of Parshat Mishpatim.[1]
Also, towards the end of Parshat Mishpatim, our ancestors demonstrated that they were all for doing. They said כל אשר דבר ה נעשה ונשמע-all that G-d has spoken we will do and we will hear.[2] At times they were impatient and overeager to do, such as when we read the making of the golden calf.[3] At times one needs to be present rather than rushing to do-a lesson I’m reminded of all too often.
With Thursday’s horrific events in Israel, I wanted to rush and do something. We had a moving service where we read 2 psalms and did a communal Kaddish during our Mincha/Maariv minyan on Thursday evening. However, I recognized that being present with our congregation was meaningful in and of itself. Never lose sight of the impact of your presence. Also please join us at Beth Shalom on Tuesday for a memorial service and vigil of solidarity.
The question of doing versus being reminds me of a Talmudic debate. Rabbi Tarfon and the Elders were reclining in the loft of the house of Nit’za in Lod, when this question was asked of them: Is study greater or is action greater? Rabbi Tarfon jumped up and says “Action.” How many of us would agree? After all, we are a people who values deeds, subscribing to the maxim that “actions speak louder than words.” Rabbi Akiva, however, disagreed, asserting that study is greater. The other Sages agreed with Rabbi Akiva, albeit with a caveat: study is greater because it leads to action.[4] Studying Torah and Jewish texts and traditions have the potential to shape our mindset in making the best decisions that we can.
David and Danielle have demonstrated that thoroughly to me. I had the privilege of learning with Danielle for the last number of months. Before that, she took numerous Melton courses, and she has always applied her learning to her work and her community. David has grown not only through his Jewish education here in Sacramento but also taking on new roles in our Selichot play. Both David and Danielle will be in our Purim Shpiel next month-a script written by David’s mother Mehrnaz that is sure to delight 😊. This is certainly an active couple: between your demanding jobs, your numerous friends and your shared interests, you are always on the move. We are so happy to have you here today and to celebrate your love for each other.
David and Danielle, at your wedding I gave you the advice to remain one another’s best friends, always putting your love above any frustration or disagreement at hand. Today I have different advice-always be present for one another when the other needs you. This is easier said than done with your demanding work schedules: Danielle being the manager of social responsibility for the Sacramento Kings and David being a tax lawyer focusing on commercial real estate. It will get even harder when (G-d willing) you have the children you desire. I often share at weddings that whether you know each other for 9 months (as Karina and I did when we got married), 8.5 years (as you two did) or somewhere in between, something changes when you walk out from under that Huppah. I can’t put words to it but know it to be true not only from my experience and from seeing the gleam in your eyes at the reception but also from watching the previous 21 couples at whose weddings I’ve officiated. This is a consecrated, holy moment that I want you to revel in and let it linger for a while. We are so happy to have reached this day, and I am going to ask us to recite together the Sheheheyanu for its arrival.
[1] Exodus 24:12 God said to Moses, “Come up to Me on the mountain and wait there, and I will give you the stone tablets with the teachings and commandments which I have inscribed to instruct them.”
[2] Exodus 24:7
[3] Exodus 32
[4] Babylonian Talmud Kiddushin 40b
Meet Rabbi Herman 