moses

Turning Towards Each Other

Rabbi Ben Herman , , ,

One of the challenges with Parshat Ki Tisa is that it deals with turning away from the proper path rather than turning towards it. After our ancestors made the golden calf, G-d said to Moses “They have been quick to turn aside from the way that I enjoined upon them.”[1] Because they turned away from G-d, G-d turned away from them, proclaiming “I see that this is a stiff-necked people. Now, let Me be, that My anger may blaze forth against them and that I may destroy them…”[2] Moses, however, intervenes, refusing to let G-d destroy Israel. He says words which we repeat every fast day: שוב מחרון אפך והנחם על-הרעה לעמך; “Turn away from Your blazing anger and renounce the plan to punish Your people.”[3] In so doing, Moses makes two very important points: Israel remains G-d’s people as opposed to a “stiff-necked” people independent from G-d, and G-d does not need to turn away from Israel just because they have turned away from Him at this particular moment.

The term “turn away” struck me because of the work done by marriage therapist Dr. John Gottman. Dr. Gottman writes that the married couples he see who turn towards one another at times of conflict stay together 86% of the time, whereas those who turn away from each other stay together only 33% of the time.[4]  In our tradition, G-d and Israel are a couple, bound together by a ברית, or covenant, just as a married couple is bound by a Ketubah. In our portion because Israel has forsaken its end of the bargain, worshiping other gods, G-d is going to follow suit and strike them from the earth-that is until Moses intervenes. He says to G-d, ‘calm down; take a chill pill,’ and he gets G-d to refrain from forsaking the covenant. וינחם ה על-הרעה אשר דבר לעשות לעמו, “G-d forsook the evil that G-d had said he would do to His people.”[5]

There are two reasons to speak about this today. First we are celebrating the milestone 60th anniversary of Ed and Gail Fishkin. This power couple always turns toward each other out of love and affection. Of course like every couple, especially good, old-fashioned New Yorkers, they argue with each other as well as with me at Shabbat Torah Study. However, that’s what makes things entertaining. We should all learn from Gail and Ed to be selfless, generous and of course have an acerbic sense of humor and not be afraid to challenge others.

The second is to celebrate the baby naming of Leona Eli McCracken, daughter of Sara Harbarger and James McCracken. Today Leona was given the Hebrew nameדבורה  סימא, after Sara’s maternal grandmother Elsie and great aunt Dotty. The name Sima means precious, or treasure. Your little 3 month old is truly a treasure who blesses you each and every day with her smile and her cooing. Every time you are stressed, please turn towards this beautiful little face; it should put you at ease. Devorah is the name of our people’s greatest prophetess, who foresaw the defeat of the Canaanites and their general Sisera. In modern Hebrew it means bee. James and Sara, we hope and pray that your little bee will showcase her feistiness and strength, in the example of prophetess Deborah.

Ed and Gail-I know that your love for one another will continue to grow stronger. James and Sara-I know with the new addition of סימא דבורה that your love for one another will blossom in new ways and your family life will flourish.

My prayer for you, Gail and Ed, Sara and James, is that you always turn towards each other and towards your loved ones, recognizing that your family bond and your partnership supersedes any specific issue at hand. Mazal Tov on the celebration of your anniversary and your baby naming. As we celebrate here at Mosaic Law Congregation, let’s sing siman tov u’mazal tov.

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[1] Exodus 32:8

[2] Exodus 32:9-10

[3] Exodus 32:12

[4] https://www.gottman.com/blog/turn-toward-instead-of-away/

[5] Exodus 32:14

Dor Hadash: Striving to Become a Covenantal Community in 5785

Rabbi Ben Herman , , , ,

Have Cantor sing אחינו

The words in which Cantor beautifully led us are traditionally read after the Monday and Thursday weekly Torah readings and translate as follows: “The House of Israel is one family, including those who are in distress or in captivity, and those who wander over sea or over land. God will have compassion for them and will bring them from narrowness to expanse, and from darkness to light, and from oppression to redemption, speedily, now and in our days.”

What does it mean to be a congregational family? What does it mean at a time when our world is rocked, as it was in 5784 with a situation that many of us had never experienced before?

At times it may cause us to feel weak, like Moses at the battle with Amalek. Two chapters after being saved from Pharaoh and the Egyptians, Moses and the Israelites were surprise attacked from behind.[1] In an attack that was eerily like October 7th, their old and their young murdered by the people of Amalek, Israel was suddenly embroiled in an intense battle. [2] Moses’ hands needed to be raised to fight Amalek so as to give the people of Israel hope. Unfortunately, his hands grew heavy, and he kept lowering them. He needed help from Aaron and Hur to keep his hands raised and help Israel be victorious. The Mishnah says: “Did the hands of Moses make war when he raised them or break war when he lowered them? Rather, the Torah comes to teach that as long as the Jewish people turned their eyes upward and subjected their hearts to their Father in Heaven, they prevailed, but if not, they fell.[3]

Many times in 5784 I felt like I imagine my ancestors felt when they were shocked at being ambushed by Amalek: a deer in the headlights with extra anxiety from being thrown for a loop. At those moments when our burden is too heavy, it is easy to feel powerless and tempting to let go of everything. Hopefully we have people like Aaron and Hur to raise up our hands, to encourage us, and to boost us up at the times we feel discouraged and think of throwing in the towel.

  This is the message of our anthem, Aheinu. Each and every one of us are brothers and sisters, standing together and helping one another through our troubles and difficulties, our trials and tribulations. It is imperative, especially when one does not have family close by, that as a congregational family we be each other’s rocks and help hold one another up through crisis. As a Jewish people, we follow the maxim ,כל ישראל ערבים זה בזה we are all responsible for one another.[4] We need leaders like Moses, a shepherd in his youth, to bring us together and look out for us, especially our young and our old.[5] We also must have faith in ourselves and in our mission and that, with God’s help, we will ultimately be successful.

In Aheinu, we are taken out, from “narrowness to expanse, and from darkness to light, and from oppression to redemption.” What does this mean? The best example comes from our tradition. There has never been a greater leader of our people than Moses. As the psalmist says: “וַיֹּ֗אמֶר לְֽהַשְׁמִ֫ידָ֥ם לוּלֵ֡י מֹ֘שֶׁ֤ה בְחִיר֗וֹ עָמַ֣ד בַּפֶּ֣רֶץ לְפָנָ֑יו לְהָשִׁ֥יב חֲ֝מָת֗וֹ מֵהַשְׁחִֽית׃  God would have destroyed Israel, had not Moses, God’s chosen one, confronted God in the breach to avert God’s destructive wrath. Moses stood in the breach for Israel on that day to prevent God’s destructive anger.”[6] Rabbi David Kimhi, known as the Radak, taught that God set a breach, a separation from Israel so that God could wipe them out, and Moses stepped into the breach.[7] He would not let destruction occur on his watch.

I think of modern heroes who stood in the breach, emulating Moses’ example. Lieutenant-Colonel Eran Masas, whosaved some of the revelers from the Nova festival and who collected the bodies of victims to put them all together so that the terrorists wouldn’t be able to abduct them. I also think of Superintendent Moran Teggi, who commanded operations in Ofakim and who saved the lives of so many. I recall Sergeant Yonatan Ohana who fought in Gaza, was wounded by shrapnel from an RPG and continued to fight through his injuries. [8] These are three of our many Israeli heroes who stood in the breach on October 7th. We also cannot forget our everyday heroes, firefighters, police, security guards and first responders, who risk their lives on a daily basis to protect us.

Our vision as a people must be to follow Moses’ example and stand in the breach. When there is chaos and trouble brewing, we hold our heads high, serve as intermediaries and refuse to let go. Being a people means that we need to watch out for one another, that we are obligated to step into the breach for those within our community, just as Moses did when God wanted to destroy Israel, and as Hur and Aaron helped Moses do against Amalek.

We never know when the next attack from an enemy will come. Look at 2 days ago, when Iran launched 180 missiles at Israel, most of which were shot down with help with the United States and with God protecting us. We never know where the next attack will come from and we need to be prepared. As my teacher Rabbi Jordan Bendat-Appell said, “You need to build your ark before the flood comes.” We do not have the luxury of being asleep[9] as Israel was when Amalek struck.

 This feels lofty; how does it tie into each and every one of us? I want you to think about why you are here today. Some of us are here for the first time-or the first time since last Yom Kippur. Others started coming regularly over the course of this year or a previous year. I have encountered people who are afraid to go to synagogue, as well as those who felt it’s time they start going. When our people are vulnerable, we need each other so much. I have heard numerous congregants express the importance of being with their families now more than ever-and I have felt this way as well, both with my personal family and with my Mosaic Law family.

How do we become more of a family where people look out for one another as Aaron and Hur did for Moses? A start is looking at what our mission is as a congregation. I see Mosaic Law’s mission as being a place where people experience the joys of Judaism, through prayer, education, social activities and social action. I yearn for us to move from a transactional community towards a covenantal community, in which our relationships with each other are our primary focus.

I aspire to have Mosaic Law Congregation (MLC) be known as THE PLACE where people go and are immediately welcomed in as they are, able to engage with our many offerings according to their interests and able to give of their skills and talents to strengthen our congregation. Our community must bolster us up in difficult times, like Aaron and Hur raising up Moses’ arms. Over the past two years, I have had 1-on-1 or 1-on-2 conversations with many of you about your interests at MLC. These are opportunities to connect in a strong, deep way. If we have not yet connected, please contact me after Rosh Hashanah, and we will set a time to meet. I want us to be each other’s Hur and Aaron.

An initiative I have begun to connect congregants to one another is Dor Hadash, meaning a new generation and referring to the creation of a new generation of Havurot, small groups which rotate gathering at each other’s homes on a monthly or quarterly basis. I am proud that as a synagogue we have so many successful Havurot, many of which were formed decades ago and whose members are there for each other at births, weddings, funerals and college graduations. What are we doing to create this sense of intimate community today? How are we building a culture of belonging, where we appreciate every person for who they are and what they contribute to our congregational family?

The Havurot are not an end unto themselves but rather a means to help us reach a deeper end. My goals in forming this new generation of Havurot through Dor Hadash are to increase congregational engagement, strengthen MLC’s leadership pipeline and foster opportunities for people to become more deeply engaged with daily Jewish living. A community is only as strong as the integration between its members, and we need to help each other achieve this.

Last winter and spring, Karina and I created a pilot Havurah, hosting Hanukkah and Shabbat dinners, a Purim party and a Lag B’Omer event, each of which had Jewish learning components. Since then, other Havurot have formed based on demographics and interests/affinity, hosting events such as blintz tasting and kayaking. My goal is to get every membership unit who wants to not only join a Havurah but more importantly to feel welcome as they are and find a place of comfort within our congregational family. One month ago, we had our Dor Hadash Kickoff/Sukkah Building workshop, where we taught the laws involved in creating a kosher Sukkah, built a Sukkah and introduced congregants to one another (I learned Cantor’s favorite movie is the mockumentary Waiting for Guffman). We set the goal of having Havurot build their own Sukkot this year. We have a ways to go to reach everyone. Please fill out a short survey that will be sent on Monday so that we can include you in our effort to form new Havurot.

This is one of a number of steps we can take to help us feel community. Another we can do right now. Please turn to someone you do not know and wish them a shana tova u’metuka, a happy, healthy, sweet Jewish New Year.  Please continue to extend greetings to others, especially those you do not know, throughout the High Holy Days.

I hope that Mosaic Law Congregation will be a place where each of us will find community with one another and that we will leave services today and always feeling better about ourselves. Over the holidays, please think about and connect with something that makes you feel that Mosaic Law Congregation is your home. The most important thing we can do is to strengthen where we are in this difficult year we’ve had.  Our holy work will ensure that Mosaic Law Congregation is the best version of itself. In so doing, we will be a beacon of light for both the Sacramento Jewish community and the worldwide Jewish community. 

I know that together we will make a difference in the year 5785 and that we can create the Mosaic Law Congregation we want to have. Through being responsible for one another and strengthening each other, being each other’s Aaron and Hur, our synagogue will thrive. To help us unite together I’d like to read the poem “The Unity” by my grandmother, Lucille Frenkel. While she was speaking about the State of Israel, I am reading Israel as referring to the need for unity and familial ties between the people of Israel and have adapted her poem to fit that desire.

The Unity

The lesson which past ages taught

Was lesson each Jew had to learn,

The unity our People wrought

Was unity formed of concern.

All differences which separate

One from another become dispelled.

All differences evaporate

In our concern for Israel.

The lesson which past ages taught

The world still forces us to learn.

The life of Israel is sought,

Born of all Jewry’s concern.[10]

[1] Pointed out by Erica Brown, Zionist Rabbis High Holy Day Seminar, September 4, 2024.

[2] Exodus 17:8-16

[3] Mishnah Rosh Hashanah 3:8

[4] Babylonian Talmud Shavuot 39b

[5] See Exodus 10:9

[6] Psalms 106:23

[7] Radak on Psalms 106:23 ד”ה בפרץ

[8] 12 heroes of October 7 tell their stories in Knesset event – Israel News – The Jerusalem Post (jpost.com)

[9] Song of Songs 5:2

[10] Lucille Frenkel, A Jewish Adventure (Milwaukee, WI: The Eternity Press, 1983), pg. 213.

Accepting Our Unique Personalities

Rabbi Ben Herman , , , ,

          Often in life the person we are hardest on is ourselves. We think, “If only I could have done better” or “I messed this up again.” Moses is no different from us. He says, “I cannot lead this people, for they are too heavy for me (כי כבד ממני)”[1]-in other words it’s too great a task for me; I can’t lift them up when they get down on themselves, when they selectively remember the delicacies of Egypt without the painstaking labor that they had to go through day in day out under the whip.

          Fortunately for Moses, he has a role model in his father-in-law. What does Yitro say to Moses when he sees him sitting before Israel from day to night? כִּֽי־כָבֵ֤ד מִמְּךָ֙ הַדָּבָ֔ר לֹא־תוּכַ֥ל עֲשֹׂ֖הוּ לְבַדֶּֽךָ-this matter is too heavy for you-you cannot do it alone.[2] The significance is that Yitro recognizes Moses’ limitations. He knows the amount of work Moses put into his job, yet he also knows that Moses not only cannot handle everything alone, but also if he tries, he is likely to get overwhelmed and explode, as we see in Numbers. Moses succeeded when Yitro was by his side-when Yitro left him, in the beginning of Numbers, he became more and more limited by his anger.

          How often in life we fail to recognize our limitations, feeling that on a task we are treading water with no end in sight? How often do we want a lifeline thrown in our direction? We often feel a great weightiness on our shoulders, that all the pressure is on us. It is time to remove those weights from our shoulders, to rid ourselves of the shackles of feeling enslaved and to channel our inner Yitro, recognizing and honoring our limitations. Yes, honoring our limitations. We need to recognize, “This is an area at which I am weak. Is there someone else who can do this task better? Who else can I rely upon?” We cannot let our limitations stop us from finding our place at Mosaic Law Congregation.

         We just finished celebrating a new group of Jews by Choice receiving their first aliyot to the Torah. I know how much anxiety there was behind this-not the Hebrew as much as standing up in front of so many people. Yet rather than giving up and throwing in the towel they persevered. It reminds me of Mickey Zeff every time I see him get an Aliyah or recite Kiddush. He always has a big smile on his face and reads with the same joy that I believe he had the first time he was called up. We each can follow this example.

          Today we observe Michael Boussina Inclusion Shabbat in celebration of Jewish Disabilities Awareness, Acceptance and Inclusion Month. Often those with disabilities or barriers, whether physical or mental, social, or emotional, are defined by what they cannot do. Instead, it is time to define them and celebrate them for all that they can do.

          I began by recognizing Moses’ limitations because I want us to see that like Moses, each of us can remove some of the weight from our shoulders-to focus on areas of passion or strength and be at peace with areas of limitation. It is time to leave behind the inner critic, or the “judge from within” and accept ourselves for who we are-just as we should accept our parents, children, siblings, and members of our congregational family for who they are. What I pray we will do on this Shabbat of inclusion is accept each part of ourselves, even those we wish were different. That will lead us on the path to accepting others, each of whom is made in the image of God.

[1] Numbers 11:14

[2] Exodus 18:18