One of the interesting things about the beginning of Haye Sarah is the small kaf in the word לבכתה, to cry on behalf of her passing.[1] Why is the kaf smaller? Rabbi Shimshon Raphael Hirsch suggests the small letter symbolizes that Abraham’s deepest grief was internal, intimate, and kept private within his home rather than being a public, theatrical display.[2] I don’t like this explanation because grief comes at different times to different people and one should not need to restrain one’s mourning to the private domain. A different explanation is that the kaf is small to emphasize לבתה, and her daughter. The Talmud teaches that Abraham and Sarah had a daughter named Bakol who died at the same time as Sarah. Therefore, Abraham mourned both Sarah and Bakol.[3]
Whatever the reason, this week’s portion is the first mention of eulogizing and burying the deceased. Abraham makes sure to acquire the gravesite with his own money and to ensure that Sarah has a proper burial. A lesson for us to take with that is the importance of taking care of our loved ones at the end of their lives. It is our responsibility and our privilege to engage in this final act of lovingkindness, as difficult as it is. At the same time, we must honor whatever it is we are feeling. Let us not feel that we need to minimize our crying in public but rather honor our emotions as they are during a time of great loss.
[1] Genesis 23:2
[2] Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch on Genesis 23:2 ד״ה ולבכתה
[3] Babylonian Talmud Bava Batra 16b
